and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
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You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
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These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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