I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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