i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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