We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
