Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
