I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
