I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I am one with the molecules
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
