I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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