I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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