Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
