There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
