Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
