I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
