Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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