cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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