I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
