after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize