for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
