did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
