I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
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