You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
