My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
