There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
