also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
