He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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