hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize