I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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