Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This is classic penis vs brain.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
