The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
