I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Randomize
