There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
