he told me I talked like a deaf person
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
