hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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