Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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