I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
