his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
