well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
