My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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