I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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