Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
