wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He better not be in your backpack
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
