well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize