I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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