Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
