i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i dont even know how to be here
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
