I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
