he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
