quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
