Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
