he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
