if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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