I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
