Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
