well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
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Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just got carded by a ten year old.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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