Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
