u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
