It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
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I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
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A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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