wat bout pragnant strippers??
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
