Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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