The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Who died my cat blue again?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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