I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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