I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This is the high leading the old right now
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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