Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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