How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
