I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize