i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
