anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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